Dear Diary

I was just afraid that one day he’d know my feelings then later on leave me out of nowhere. I was so afraid of losing him. He was so dear to me, he was so important. I can’t afford to be a total stranger to him. He knew who I was. He knew the pain I’ve gone through. I didn’t mean to feel this way. I was actually keeping myself from liking him. I did it but it was only recently that my feelings for him went back for a reason that I couldn’t understand. I was so frail. I couldn’t keep my feelings! I was damn stupid for feeling this, it was like putting another heartache in me. I knew I wasn’t in love at the moment but I knew, sooner or later, this feeling would be another pain, another hurt, end eventually tears. I was so afraid of loving another person, because I wasn’t ready to be hurt again. I kept asking God for him not to know my feelings because I couldn’t really handle it. I like him. He was so important to the extent that I didn’t know.



P.S.
I found some qoutes from the net that really melted melted my heart. I could somehow relate to these quotes I found.

“i tried to give my heart to you i tried to make it last, but its hard to give your heart when its stuck in the past”

If you love something, let it go.If it comes back, it’s yours.If it doesn’t, it never was.


(quotes from: www.best-love-poems.com/love)

Especially For You

Bringing smiles despite your frowns
is what I like to do
Comforting You in times of your sadness
is a proof that I’ll always be here for you
Love is simply the reason
why God put me up in a journey called life with you.

WISHES, DREAMS AND MIRACLES

(this poem was made for my com arts activity during the first sem)

When I was a kid

I always think that dreams were just dreams

Wishes were just wishes

Miracles were plain miracles

When I grew up

I learned how to make my dreams come true

I just belived in the power of my dreams

And looked upon my shining star

I realized that wishes happen

If we only work hard

If we only know how to trust ourselves

If we only know that God rewards our good deeds

At present, I believe that miracles were not magic powers

Miracles were blessings given to us by our Lord

I’m now certain that the miracles in my life were:

My family, friends, and my very self

I could say that I am nature’s greatest miracle because:

I conquered the obstacles given by the past

I know how to enjoy the present

And I could look forward to see the future’s optimistic light

Merry Christmas everyone!

Thanks to all who greeted me. Every moment I have with you guys makes me feel like a kid again. I want to Grow old with you. Thank You for making me feel special each and every day. Though we’re apart in the matter of distance, I will always keep you. For friendship lives, stays, and survives no matter how far apart we are from each other. I love you All.!!!!

BEING PART OF YOUR LIVES IS WHAT I’M THANKFUL FOR

Sentiments

After Him,

I couldn’t see any other guy like him,

he was rare, he was once a challenge,

he was once a pain, a hurt, the root of all tears falling

and even embedding from within

I never thought I could move on as easy as this. After he ignored me, I told myself to stop dreaming of him. He brought a lot of good things and I was thankful for that but like some incidents some good things never last and that was what happened to me. When he came I was so merry. I felt like i was on the zenith of joy but when he was gone, all those smiles and laughter turned into a room of tears that later on turned into a one big realization that this might be what God planned for the two of us. Like what I told God in one of my prayers:

Kung ito po ang plano Niyo para sa amin, maluwag ko pong tatanggapin

II. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to love Again

When some of my friends and I got to see each other last Wednesday, I had this short but very sensible talk with one of my closest guy friends whom I fondly call “BRO”

ME: Bro may sasabihin ako sa iyo

BRO: Ikaw pumunta dito

ME: Parang bumabalik yung kay ano
inipigilan ko pero bakit ayaw mawala?

Dati nawala tapos bumalik na naman. Ang hirap nito.

BRO: Alam mo, the more na pigilan mo sarili mo, lalong

hindi nangyayari. Bayaan mo na lang na ganyan.

ME: Ganon ba yun?

Maybe bro was right coz I tried to keep myself from liking that one person many times before but that wasn’t successful coz I used to go back to him again and again. When our communication line somehow got interrupted, I thought my feelings for him would subside but I was wrong. Until now, I scrupulously keep my feelings for him because I was so scared that he’d leave me without any further explanation like ******** who disappeared like a bubble. Whenever people ask me who I like, I used to say there was no special guy for me right now, but, truth was, I was just scared to admit that I like this person but I knew that this would just lead to nothing.

Ayoko lang kumalat kasi hindi talaga pwede at lalong hindi dapat dahil may mga masasaktan.

Another thing was, I knew myself a lot, and it seemed that I wasn’t ready to give myself another chance to fall in love, at this point.

As for now, I just let it be this way, after all, only few know the truth and this was somehow right to keep things flow smoothly.

Days With Mah Friends

DECEMBER 20, 2005

I was with Joanah. She accompanied me to st scho to get my transfer credentials. I was really upset because I couldn’t get it, hopefully this Jan 4, finally, I would be able to so that I could enrol for the 3rd term of DLSU-M.
We rode the lrt at vito cruz station until edsa-taft station, we looked for the mrt station. We rode the mrt until ayala station because we planned to go to Glorietta.We first went to SM Makati, dun lang kami dumaan going to Glorietta. We actually had a hard time choosing where to have lunch. We ended up eating at Tokyo Tokyo since hindi masyadong marami yung tao. Hindi ko naubos food ko. Sobrang busog ko. We strolled around. Actually, we wanted to go to Greenbelt kaya lang we have to go back to DLSU to ask them if they could allow me to still enrol on Jan 4 coz my transfer cred couldn’t be released as early as this week. AHHH, my transfer cred was bugging me, really!!!!
After going to DLSU, we went to SM Manila, I wanted to bring home something kaya eon, we went to SM to buy something there.
We even saw Mark Herras taping for extra challenge on our way to Park n Ride.
Traffic pauwi, makalampas lang ng toll gate traffic na.
Nagtext si Vinci&Twin Babu, punta daw rc sa 21!!!
Eon, that was the 20th of December 2005 with Joanah.

DECEMBER 21, 2005

Kasabay ko sina Vinci, Lian (sorry! late ako!), Marge and Jamu papuntang RC. Ang tagal ng bus, nag Vergara muna kami, nasiraan pa sa may Dasma, nakakainis! SO after lumipat ng ibang Vergara bus, nilalamig kaming lahat. Sa Vergara Terminal, walang dumadaang Jeep, so nag bus kami, no choice kasi
imagine instead of paying 7.50 on a jeep, 20.00 ang binayad namin dahil airconditioned pa yung bus na nasakyan namin.
Sa RC:
haay nako, I don’t want to talk about it anymore!
Bro Bry, Vinci, Jamu, Lian, Marge, Bei w/ her bf, Ianna, Jan, Ranj and I went to Chowking Tagaytay, to spend some time together para naman hindi masayang ang pag-alis namin.
We planned to have a get together on the 28th (next week- Wednesday).
Sumama si Jamu sa akin dito, we discovered something, and nag-ayos din siya ng sked nia!

Transfer Credentials

I’m really upset! kasi naman, okay na lahat tapos hindi ko makuha yung transfer credentials ko. Hindi tuloy ako makapag-enrol. Naiiyak na nga ako pag naaalala ko. sana talaga makuha ko yun sa Januray 4 dahil hanggang Januray 4 na lang ako pwede mag-enrol.

I’m really looking forward to see that everything’s gonna be fine and that I’m going to see DLSU-M everyday, finally,!!!!

Christmas Wish Granted

I was soooo happy! I was very grateful to God for granting my Christmas wish.

Maybe this would be the only time that I’d mention that I didn’t enroll for the second sem, yes, I’ve been just at home since first sem ended. Since I started College, I already planned this thing of transferring to another school because in the first place, the exclusive school where I enrolled to last first sem was not really my choice of school. I didn’t have any option but to follow what my mom said since she wouldn’t let me go to UST and take AB Journalism because she told me UST was too far and she couldn’t let me go there. Although I tried to insist my mom to let me in that university, my tears were not enough to convince her. She asked about the result of my DLSUCET, but then, I failed the test. She promised that she’d transfer me to DLSU after a year since that was really my choice of school, “wag lang ako mag UST kasi ayaw niya kong mag dorm”.
So I entered the exclusive school with hopes in me that I’d be in DLSU after a year.

June came, I met a lot of people, I’ve gained new friends, I’ve learned to adapt, I did persevere a lot to earn good grades, midterms came, finals came, my choice of school was still on my mind, I told myself that if ever I’d be qualified for dl, I’d stop and try for luck. Class card distribution came, my GPA was 3.725 enough to qualify for dl since that was higher that 3.5. I didn’t enroll for the secod sem.

sabi ko, bahala na, sayang kasi yung grades ko baka mawala pa pag nag second sem ako, parang It’s now or never. Mag-aaral na lang ako so that I’d have even a little knowledge pag nag exam ako.

So nung inaayos ko na yung mga kailangan, pahirapan talaga, pabalik-balik ako, nakakapawis, nakakpagod pero sabi ko gusto kong lumipat kaya I deserve this. Kung ganito talagang kailangan, willing ako. May time pa nga na 1 hour kong hinihintay yung prof ko to bring up something important.

I eventually finished passing the important papers after a few weeks, may times na umiiyak ako sa room ko kasi nga, natatakot ako, ayaw nga ni papa na lumipat ako, pero ipinaglaban ko pa rin yung gusto ko, sabi ko sa sarili ko, gusto kong pumasa dahil doon ko gusto, buo ang loob kong lumipat.

I took the entrance test. After a week bumalik ako to know the result. STATUS: For interview. No reaction still, sabi ko, malapit na, gagalingan ko sa interview. I went back to DLSU yesterday, hinanap ko pa yung Miguel bldg, pagpasok ko, may pinafill up-an sa ‘kin, certificate of acceptance, sabi ko, may interview pa bakit nauna na ‘to. yun pala, yung interview parang getting to know you, getting to know kung san ka galing na school, pinirmahan yung green na paper, may pinabigay sa kin sa admissions office. Paglabas ko tinext ko agad Bez Tin ko, si Gazelle, Si Jaymee, di ako makapaniwala.
Binigay sa kin ng admissions yung mga kailangan kong isubmit sa pag-eenrol ko, pumunta ako sa SSC para ayusin yung transfer credentials, unluckily, di ko natapos, but I do hope matapos ko siya this monday! Sana! Sana! para wala ng problem.

I want to thank the following for supporting me, for helping me, sa pagtulong nio sa kin na mag pray:

GOD (na-feel kong tinulungan nia ko, God listened to my sincerest prayer! sa Kanya lang ako talaga nag cling nung nag stop ako)
PARENTS/FAMILY (esp my mom,suportado nia ko kahit ayaw na niya sanang lumipat ako)
SIR REM/MS MARQUEZ( tnx po sa reco and sa ibang tulong)
BEZ TIN (I’m glad ikaw ang best friend ko! Thank you for believing in me! Sa support! thank You)
JAYMEE( Super thank you din sa pagtitiwala! sa prayers!)
GAZELLE( sa pagpapalakas ng loob ko!)
BRYAN (sa pgpapalakas din ng loob ko!)
KIRS (super thank you din, sa lahat! mahal kita!)
KATE(since hs sinusuportahan mo ko! thank you!)
MARGE, JOANAH (thank you sa mga chika natin sa landline, enedit ko to nahiya ako kay joanah, jowkz!, in a way, natulungan nio kong mawala yung kaba!)
VINCI, LIANA, LEE (thanks sa support, sa mga directions ng bldg. etc. senxa na kung di ko agad nasabi sa inyo)
JANA(sorry kung di ko agad nasabi, thanks sa support! don’t worrry, makakabili ka rin ng phone)
BABU, RYAN, LIAN (salamat! salamat!)
JOHNNEL (hehe,,thanks!)
FELLOW KULASA ESP. YUNG TROPA KO&CHARMIE, BENE, ( although ayaw nio, kelengan kong gawin, love ko naman kayo, thanks kasi naintindihan nio ko! still friends! I’m keeping all of you!)

kung may mga tao man akong nakalimutan, sorry! kung may mga tao man akong hindi napagsabihan, pasensiya na, kasi ayoko lang munang ilabas habang wala pang assurance.

AGAIN, THANK YOU!

THANKS TO GOD!

It’s Easy to Move On When You’ve Accepted It

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone

An hour to like someone

A day to love someone

But It takes a lifetime to forget someone

I somewhat disagree to that quote. I believe it takes a short time sometimes when we like someone or eventually love someone, but it is not really a lifetime before you have moved on. In the sense of moving on, acceptance is the best way to still live life after our hearts got broken.

That’s what I felt when I fell in love with ******** that was just this year, to be exact, I started to love him last January, but I like him already for about a year already. When I loved him, I felt like my own world stopped and transported me to his world. I accepted everything about him. Although I’ve said I don’t like guys who have vices, when it comes to him, there was always an exemption.

A lot of things happened.

I loved him and I don’t know how to regain my sanity. Recently, it came to a point wherein I have no room to carry the pain and I’m so suffocated with the hurt so what I did was, I cried hard to release the burden I have inside. I talked to God and it seemed that at that point, I learned how to accept things and because of that acceptance, I have learned to move on baby step by baby step. Now, I have known how to live life without his words – and most especially, without him.

It’s really easy to move on when we know how to accept things. I did everything I could, but I guess, it’s fate’s way to keep us apart, after all, it’s still fate who would bring us back together, if we were meant for each other.

WHEN I LOVED HIM

I FELT LIKE MY OWN WORLD STOPPED

AND TRANSPORTED ME TO HIS WORLD

Lost Umbrella

I lost my umbrella because of my stupidity. I became so neglectful. I didn’t expect that my umbrella would be lost in that one stupid way. I left my umbrella on the table because jaymee and i would be falling in line to order food for lunch, when we came back, I didn’t see my umbrella anymore. So Sad! I decided to buy a new one.

The Lure of Indie Films

Before the film “Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros” was shown nationwide, I already watched it a few months ago at St. Scho’s Battig Hall, presumably sometime in September. My Bio prof (ms. dorado) required us to watch the said film because she wanted us to learn a lot from the story.
The story was really wonderful. From the title itself, you could already say that it would be so impressing. It contained different genre: drama, comedy, romance and a little of suspense. I noticed how “maxi” fell in love and did everything he could for that one love. Although ‘tanggap si Maxi ng family niya’ life was never been that perfect for someone like him. His father and brother were robbers. Conflict started when the person he loved became the family’s enemy. Although there were some gloomy scenes, the story did not end that way. Maxi returned to school but never to the first and only man he loved.

INDIE FILMS: I started to read about those through YES! coz my mom used to buy that mag every month so I got to read a little info about those Indie Films. It was only after watching “A.P.M.O” that those Indie Films got my attention, and even inspired me to write a film story.
I have also read a little info about the following Indie Films but have not watched them yet:

Sa Ilalim ng Cogon

ICU

Ang Pamilyang Kumakain ng Lupa

Elegie

Dilim

Diliman

Sa Aking Pagkakagising Mula sa Kamulatan

Isnats

and a lot more.

I really didn’t know what magical powers these films have

That invited me to write a story like those

An Inspiring Story

I have thought of Jewel in the Palace while I’m editing my friendster account. I watch it every night and I love the flow of the story.
I admire Jang Geum’s courage and determination to learn. I remembered how I value my studies. I recalled how grade conscious I was, back in elemetary. My mom taught me how to value my academic life. She used to act as my teacher at home from the day I started schooling until the third grade. From grade four to present, I used to study by myself. I’m happy whenever I get good grades and warm praises from school, coz I feel like I’m really on the right track even without the help of my mom.
Back to Jewel in the Palace, maganda siya talaga. It’s not really a heavy drama. I really don’t know what charms the story has kasi nakaka-hook talaga siya.

determination is immesurable

our dream is therefore granted

if we only know how to work for it