If You Want Me To go_______ Then tell me Now

DO YOU THINK THAT BY TREATING ME CRUEL SOMEHOW I DISAPPEAR?

-end of the line by honeyz

he couldn’t see how my heart breaks whenever I remember how we used to be then and now.
It’s just do unfair for me because I couldn’t understand why he became like that or why is he acting like that.
It’s so unfair.! MY friends were confused too!! They couldn’t understand why he was like that. Imagine me passing by him, and his reaction? NONE! DEAD KID, that’s him!!! Please don’t tell me he couldn’t see me, please don’t tell me he couldn’t remember my voice or the way I speak, that’s one stupid answer!!! It was hard for me to bear the pain. I look like stupid now. I looked so stupid when I loved him. I became so true to myself when I loved him, although I used to deny him at first, but that was just my initial reaction to something I never intended and never wanted to happen. I wanted to live a simple life, but my life becomes so tiring because of love. My heart was so restless. Honestly, I’m already fed-up but something tells me to hold on. But, how would I? I knew from the start nothing good would happen? I’m right! Look at me now! I look so stupid!

TO THAT SOMEONE:
(i want this to be in filipino)

sabihin mo lang kung gusto mo nang umalis ako. ora mismo, gagawin ko. kung gusto mo nang tapusin ang lahat, sabihin mo lang, ang hirap lang kasi nitong lagay natin. hindi ko naman ginusto ‘to. kung sana nga kayang turuan ang puso di ba?! hindi sana mangyayari to. nasasaktan ako.. dito ko na lang sinasabi sa blog dahil alam kong walang silbi kung sasabihin ko sa yo ng personal. manhid ka kasi.

Magsalita ng Filipino

Haaay, ngayon lang ako magbblog gamit ang lengwahe ng mga pinoy. nakakabaliw na. hindi ko na alam kung pano ako makakasurvive sa linggong parating. Simulan ba naman ng recitation sa INTROSO at tatalakayin ko pa ang mga bagay tungkol sa SEXISM. Kailangan kong gawin dahil kundi, baka 1.0 na ang grado ko sa asignaturang iyon. Martes, ang nakakalokang finals sa pe. SWIMMING ang aking pe. FYI: Hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Ang hirap din nung lagay ko. Pero nakakabuhay pag iniisip kong natagalan ko ang swimming ng isang term. Take Note: Tatlong buwan din yun. Meron din akong mahabng pagsusulit sa KASPIL. Parang KASPIL na lang ang nagpapasaya sa kin, sana nga ay magtuluy-tuloy makakuha man lang ng 3.5 o 4.0 . Haay, samahan mo pa ng ENGLTWO na talagang makasira ng bait at pasensiya. Hindi ko na alam kung pano pipigain ang utak ko para lumabas ang mga impormasyong dapat naming ilagay para makakakuha ng mataas na marka sa aming research. Buti na lang at responsable ang aking partner na si Tel at nakukuha niyang magpasensiya sa kin kahit na minsan ay blangko ang utak ko. Sa Miyerkules naman, kagaya ng dati, may U-BREAK na naman, hiindi ko alam kung nasaan ako sa U-BREAK dahil sa tingin ko, dapat na naming tapusin ang aming papel sa ENGLTWO, kailangan ko kasing umuwi agad sa Huwebes dahil marami akong kailangang pag-aralan at tapusin: CRITHIN, INSTUDI, INSTUDI ULIT . Haay, matapos lang ang linggong parating, medyo maluwag na. Medyo lang ha?!

What does Joanna Marie Monton Camet mean?

Joanna Marie Monton Camet – [noun]: A person who is constantly high ‘How” will you be defined in the dictionary?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

Well Admired Guy

I really can’t help myself from admiring Richard, yeah, Richard Gutierrez coz he really looks good in any angle, and besides, Richard looks someone I know, not really kamukha, somehow, I might say. But that’s just “admiration”, nothing more, haha, how could you possibly love an actor? isn’t that weird? haha!!! What I like about Richard is how he holds his money, I mean, knowing that a portion of his money went on in his The Fort Condo. Well, that’s one thing I look for a guy, I actually want a guy who knows how to spend his money rightly, and how he balances a possible part-time work or raket and his studies. I don’t mean anyone here. hehe.I know jana will agree if she reads this. haha, she likes richard too!! Mrs. Gutierrez daw xa!!! haha!!!

How Will I Surrender?

pano ka susuko kung hindi ka lumalaban?
kung susuko ka, aaminin mo muna sa kanya. (kirs, my sistah)

wag kang susuko, kayanin mo.
kung si ________ ko at sina ____________ mo, nakuha mong ipaglaban, dapat ngayon, lumaban ka pa rin. kaya mo yan, walang bibitiw, walang susuko. (nica, my conscience)

ano ba kasing nangyari at di kayo _______________?
ang masasabi ko lang, kung mahal mo talaga xa, gumawa ka ng way para malaman nya?
how can u fyt for your feelings kung hindi naman alam ng taong mahal mo na mahal mo xa! db? (Bry,my bro)

iparamdam mo na kasi, ikaw rin naman nahihirapan.
kung ako sa’yo aminin mo na nang hindi ka nagkakaganyan.
nasasaktan ka tas ayaw mo namang sabihin sa kanya.
aminin mo na, di naman pwedeng naghihintay ka lang. (Nadz, my introso super friend)


those were some of the lines my friends told me yesterday and last Thursday. I couldn’t pretend that everything was just normal. I couldn’t be blind anymore. I couldn’t stay numb with something and with someone. I never wanted to feel this, I honestly tried everything to keep myself from loving him. I thought I did but it was only recently when I admitted to my friends and to my very self that I’m already in love with this person. I wanted to live as simple as a could but how could I be happy now if he was acting like that. Akala nia ba hindi ko napapansin yung ginagawa nia. Man, I’m not damn stupid. I was just turning so innocent because I never wanted you to see how affected I was. Ilang beses mo na rin ako nasaktan in your little way pero wala ang yun sakin kasi ayokong may masira, ayokong may masacrifice kasi mahal kita, ayokong mawala ka. kung sana nga kaya kong ibalik yung love na to kay **, kung sana nga kaya kong pilitin ang sarili ko na mahalin siya ulit, kaso hindi na pwede at hindi ko na rin kaya.
Yesterday, before I went to the lib, I first passed by the chapel, while I was praying, my tears were about to fall. I was wiping my tears so that people wouldn’t see my real emotions. When I met up with Nadz, I told her what happened.
To end this blog, please let me express this ending in Filipino. Pano nga ba ako susuko kung hindi ko naman siya ipinaglalaban. Pero pano nga ba ako lalaban kung hindi naman niya ako mahal? Kung sana nga ako na lang ang mahalin niya di ba, pareho kaming magiging masaya, pero hindi ko naman kayan turuan ang puso niya para mahalin ako, babae lang ako, wala akong karapatan na turuan ang puso ng isang taong hindi naman ako kayang mahalin. Babae lang ako, wala akong karapatang aminin kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko. Nasasaktan na talaga ako pero wala naman akong magagawa. Kung aaminin ko tuluyan na siyang mawawala sa kin, kung ngayon nga lang hindi niya alam nagkakaganito na, pano pa kaya pag inamin ko na di ba?

I want to Cry and Swallow my Pride

I’m hurting right now. I don’t know how to heal the wounds and put remedy to some bruises. I couldn’t understand what’s going on, neither know the reasons why things have to be in this way. I only love and that’s the only mistake that I know. I don’t want to love the guy, honestly, but if only I could teach my heart and instruct everything to my brain, I would do all possible things so that I won’t be hurt again and again. I want to cry! I’m really turning emotional whenever I remember what was currently going on, but whenever I remember that I have this thing called ‘pride’, believe me, and I’m sorry but I’m really a type of person who couldn’t swallow my pride because that was the only thing I could leave for myself. I want to swallow my pride because I really want to cry, coz I really couldn’t keep all these tears lingering inside. I couldn’t take losing the person little by little. I love him, and I Don’t know how to stop.

S-C-H-O-O-L

Wheew~~~! time really flies so fast, the present school year was about to end and another school year already starts to welcome students including me. I already have my schedule for the next term, (first term). Puro half day except for Tuesday(my sked?: 8-2:30 with a 20-minute break). I chose not to have this vacant thing because it would just be consuming a lot my time, especially with my present sched, wohow, I’m not really liking it because I have a lot of vacant. So instead of going home early and have a rest for a while, I couldn’t make it coz I have to stay in school of course.
Before I used to like English, it’s like my day would be really good if I have this subject, so sad, I wasn’t able to have it first term of the next school year, I would have take it if ‘she’ already fixed everything with regards to the subjects that have been credited from my former school.
Speaking of English, my ENGLTWO’s sched was so damn tiring and very busy. We have to work on things in just a week and I don’t think a week would be enough to accomplish things. I understand we have to comply with everything because it would be for our grades but how could we work on those thoroughly if we were also busy in our other subjects? Oh! Wheeew!!!

I love You From A Distance

Yesterday, Nica, my highschool friend, sent me a lot of love quotes. The qoutes wanted to melt me from where I stand. Nica and I were in the same chapter. We were in love with guys who both don’t know or don’t even have a clue that we love them. But Nica was the first to be at the chapter where we stand right now, she loved the guy for a few years already, the guy had been into a few relationships but Nica was still there, feeling the same way toward him. Nica remained loyal to the guy despite “him’, having a new girlfriend now.

ME:
I’m in love, again. Yes, I must admit. I never thought I would because I was so afraid, I was so frail to love again after HIM. Never in my mind that I’d love again. I considered HIM forever, but now, HE was just an ordinary person I know. HIM as forever has been deleted in my mind. I love this person but he didn’t know, and I guess, he never would. I want to say how special he was for him but I was damn afraid that something might be sacrificed. It was hurting me more whenever I realize how much he meant to me. Hiding my love for him hurts me more. But I’d rather hurt myself in this way than letting him know how I feel then lose him forever.

To that one person:

I love you

FROM A DISTANCE

Wrong Timing

Yesterday, I was sick. My temperature had gone 37.5 so I failed to go to Tel’s unit at EGI, and because of that we weren’t able to finish our engltwo requirements which were due this week. I was so sorry for that, I could have gone if I was really feeling well but I was kinda nilalamig despite the hot temperature of my room. I woke up at around 7:30, by 9:00, I took the breakfast, by 10, I slept again. By 11:30, I woke up, I was quite fine already. But late in the afternoon, I started to feel bad again, and so my mom told me to take medicine, so I did. At this point I could say I’m fine and I could go to school tomorrow.

New fone

This is the picture of my new fone.

NOTE: This isn’t my actual fone, I just got this from the site of sonny ericsson.

So far, I’m liking the features of my new fone. hehe.